Support & Expertise
Mapping out a plan begins by taking a look at the long, complicated history of your relationship. As past behavior is the best predictor of future behavior, we can develop a strategic understanding of his style of conflict and take proactive steps to strengthen your boundaries, protect yourself from false allegations, and advocate for your preferred legal resolution.
Each client comes to me with a different set of needs, ready to work together and mesh our combined expertise. When conflict is high, a client’s support needs may be primarily around validation, documentation and communication with any involved parties. When conflict is reduced, either temporarily or due to effective measures being in place, support may be more forward-looking and build on past learning opportunities and growth.
At the end of the day (or year, or lifetime), your disordered ex won’t do the work necessary to allow you both to move on with your lives. But your personal journey to re-envision and reclaim control of your life is rewarding work that will help you protect yourself and your children so you can flourish.
By the time you got up the courage to leave your controlling partner you were probably already pretty traumatized. Since then, things have only gotten worse and sometimes you think you are losing your mind. The good news is that you are not, but it takes time and expertise to fully understand how you got to where you are today, so you can take back control of your life. Wherever you are in your journey, we will name what is happening so you can grow your resilience in the face of coercive and controlling behaviors.
Anyone who has challenged a narcissist knows trying to communicate with one feels futile. It doesn’t matter what you say – they somehow manage to control and spin the conversation, putting you on the defensive. It is important that all of your communication occurs in a written format, such as email or through a court-approved app, so you can stay calm and maintain control. Everything you write could become a legal exhibit, and expert help can ensure those exhibits portray you in the best light. I can help by reading messages from your ex, pointing out what needs to be responded to and what does not, and helping draft responses or messages that will help you get what you need, protect your legal case, and serve your children.
Text and On-Call Support
Things come up when they come up, and you shouldn’t have to wait to receive support. Most clients benefit from having quick access to calming reassurance and affirmation or timely guidance. Missteps are commonly made in moments when you are triggered or reactive.
Negotiating is hard, but negotiating with a controlling person is a whole different kind of hard. Whether you are mediating as a first choice or trying to avoid trial, I can help you prepare for the big day and stay calm while you and your attorney try to reach a resolution.
Your attorney has asked you for hoards of documents, and your ex has requested an equal amount. You are overwhelmed by the shear volume and everything is due next week. Take a deep breath! I can help you sort what you need and prepare them for your attorney so you can focus on other critical things.
Custody Evaluation Preparation
Custody evaluations are high-stakes, deeply invasive, and fraught with potential pitfalls. If you will be undergoing a custody evaluation, it is critical that you present yourself in a way that does not harm your case or interfere with your long-term ability to protect your children. I can help you decide what information to present, avoid costly missteps, and stay centered during the long process.
Parenting is hard, even when it’s easy. Parenting during and after a separation brings new, unique challenges and often exacerbates a mother’s normal worries that she is not a good parent or makes damaging mistakes. To add another layer of hardship, controlling parents often use their children as pawns to continue to attack and harm the mother, and her options for holding him accountable can be limited. There are ways to help your children understand and cope with a controlling parent without ever saying anything disparaging or critical about him.
Each client comes to us with a different set of needs, ready to work together and mesh our combined expertise. When conflict is high, a client’s support needs may be primarily around validation, documentation and communication with any involved parties. When conflict is reduced, either temporarily or due to effective measures being in place, support may be more forward-looking and build on past learning opportunities and growth. In any case, the approach will be customized to meet the client’s unique needs and situation.